Dearly Departed
by FlowerofAdversity
Summary: Taking place soon after Dead Man Walking, Ziva finds coping with Roy's death more challenging than she realized.


Dearly Departed

Note: My first ever NCIS fan fiction. A sequel to the tear jerking "Dead Man Walking", Lt. Roy Sanders has recently been cremated and his remains scattered among the waters. Ziva, in mourning, regrets never having the pleasure of becoming his girlfriend, and not having the chance to kiss him. She opens up to Tony, who offers her comfort and a shoulder to cry on...perhaps even more.

"I will never forget you, nor your heart."--Roy Sanders, "Dead Man Walking"

"If I could change the world, I would be the sunlight in your universe. You would think that life was really something good, baby, if I could change the world."--some lyrics from Change the World, sung by Eric Clapton

Chapter 1—Final Farewells

Ziva had relished every day she had been spending with Lieutenant Roy Sanders. He was unlike any other man she had ever met. He was an incredible physical specimen, even in his last days, though he had been declining from the radiation poisoning. It was hard to see him slowly descend into oblivion, but it always reassured her when he remembered his poetic, articulate, and profound last words before he died.

"I can die in peace knowing I have been in the presence of such beauty, strength and intelligence...A star to light my way along the path in the Afterlife.", he said, as his weak grip slipped from hers and his heart monitor read no further activity.

She had been selected to scatter Lieutenant Sanders' ashes along the Potomac after he had been cremated. He had been an organ donor, and fortunately, his organs could be used for scientific research. Everything else had been left to his sister, who was sobbing so hard at the ceremony that her whole body shook furiously. Ziva wasn't good at offering other people comfort, coming from her tough background. Roy's sister was constantly leaning on Ziva and all she could do was offer Roy's sister words from the Torah, particularly from _Isaiah_. Fortunately, this is what Roy's sister needed in this time, but Ziva's heart was in desperate need of repair.

She didn't want anyone else to know she was feeling conflicted, tormented and even angered that Roy was gone now. The only man she had begun to love, and now he had been taken from her.

She wanted to shout curses at God, but knew no good would come of that. The only therapeutic activity she had was the shooting gallery back at NCIS. At least there, she could gather her thoughts and clear her mind of feeling remorse of never having the sweet pleasure of kissing Roy's lovely lips.

Chapter 2—Blasting Away Sorrow

Of all people, Abby had come to the shooting gallery to "kill some time" as she had put it. Ziva still had trouble understanding the illogical, and often nonsensical colloquialisms that Americans used, but she had to admit, "killing time" was enjoyable. Abby engaged her in conversation. For someone considered to be gothic, she was quite optimistic. Ziva had never noticed that, but at least around her, the blue mood she was in melted away, if only a bit.

However, it hadn't been enough to cause her sorrow to completely leave her.

She shot at some more targets until she had become bored with shooting. Her aim had always been sharp. She never once missed the main target, and that is what had made her such an astonishing assassin. But she had been so desensitized to killing and seeing people die around her. Was it that she couldn't feel at all or she didn't have the capability for experiencing emotions ? She thought of this, and her mind began to reel. She felt like screaming until she felt a strong hand on her back in a warm-hearted pat. It nearly made her shriek in terror, though.

"Forgive me for interrupting you.", Jethro said, rather chagrined. He should've known better after all this time _never_ to sneak upon an assassin, let alone one so dedicated, focused and deliberate in her work. She made the trade look like an art form.

"It's alright, Gibbs. I'm done for the day, I grow weary of killing time.", Ziva said, in a straight forward manner. Gibbs lightly chuckled at her use of a new colloquialism, but she had used it correctly.

"Do you care to join me for a bite to eat ?", he offered. If it helped her keep her mind clear, anything would do, so she accepted.

"I would be delighted to.", she said, actually allowing herself to smile. It seemed to be beneficial to her to be among friends, but the anger niggled at the back of her mind. The more she repressed it, the worse it became.

Chapter 3—Outburst

As Ziva started to savor the meal she was having with Jethro, she remembered the meals she had enjoyed with Roy before she had said her final goodbyes before he let out his last breath.

His death wasn't at all painful, but recalling all the pleasant times, ironically, had been more than she could handle. She hammered her fist on the table.

"Damn you, why did you have to leave me !", she yelled, without even thinking of it.

When she noted Jethro's surprised demeanor, she was embarrassed. Everyone was staring at them as if they had tried setting the restaurant on fire.

"Nothing to see here.", Jethro said, straightforwardly as he escorted Ziva out of the bistro and back to his Jeep.

"What happened ?", Jethro said, in a stunningly gentle tone.

"I'd rather not speak of it, Jethro. I don't want you to worry.", Ziva said, her cheeks still flushed from embarrassment.

"That's just it. I've started worrying about you. I can understand if you don't wish to discuss it, but maybe you need some time away from work to get through this.", Jethro offered.

Strangely at that moment, like many others, she had felt a connection to him as she would her own father, who on many levels, reminded her of Jethro. He truly cared about her, although on the outside no one would ever believe he cared about anyone other than himself.

"What if I am needed for a mission ?", Ziva questioned.

"Someone can substitute for you. Look, Ziva. I know how hard it is to lose someone near and dear to my heart. You feel as if you can never function normally in the world ever again without them. To an extent, you can't. When you've come to accept that only then can you let go, and start living life anew.", Jethro said, suddenly hugging her close and stroking her hair gently. She didn't mind being treated like his own daughter because it was a comfort just to have someone embrace her and relate to her on a personal level. She had known Jethro had lost his wife and daughter to rather devistating circumstances and that he dealt with the piercing lonliness every day as she would. Yet, it was oddly comforting to realize that she wasn't the only one suffering within herself. It would be a hard road in the next few days, however with friends like Jethro, the road would be easier to travel.

Chapter 4—Solace

Albeit Ziva didn't wish to take a break from work, she did so to the orders of Jethro and the suppor from Ducky, Abby, McGee and Tony. What troubled her is she still hadn't been able to cry no matter how hard she tried. She had all this support, and yet she could only show them gratitude. Other emotions had been simple for her to express, but sorrow had never been easy to come by. After growing up in and among death, she had kept herself bound within a hard shell that none had been able to break. That is, until someone reached out to her. That one person happened to be Tony Denozzo.

Ziva had an ambivalant relationship with Anthony. To be honest, she had found him irksome with his letcherous ways and his wandering eyes. Every time he saw a beautiful woman, he was all over her, trying to romance her, and especially get her into bed. Not to say he was no good as a lover, because he was incredible. He had been nothing but a gentleman to her, but he simply couldn't commit to one woman. The further away from any kind of "comforting" he had in mind was the last thing she needed.

Ziva sat quietly and read from her Torah. It was Lent so she had been fasting. This year, she had given up one of her passions: eating red meat. It would be challenging, but already she had begun to see a difference in how she felt. Thus far, she was doing a stellar job, but cravings made her fasting hard. She was fixing a meal for dinner when the phone rang.

"Greetings, this is Ziva David. Who may I ask is calling ?", she said in a very formal tone.

"Ziva, it's me, Tony. Are you cooking something ?", Tony responded inquisitively. In fact, she had been, and it was a traditional Israeli dish that she often had during the time of Passover.

"Yes. Why do you ask ?", Ziva said, watching the pot as so not to overcook her supper.

She quickly turned off the stove and poured her meal into a bowl, quickly setting it on the table without heating pads. She then slowly poured some black iced tea into a glass and sat down.

"I was wondering if I could join you. I mean, after all...one shouldn't be unaccompanied at supper. Am I right ?", Tony stated, hoping her answer would be positive. Seeing that she had plenty of food for more than one person, she thought of what her response would be.

"What you said is true. It would be pleasant if you could come.", Ziva said, and with that, Tony had said a quick farewell and was on his way faster than a lamb could shake its tail.

"Ooo, that smells scrumptous. I had no idea you could cook.", Tony said, in a facetious manner. In an odd way, his kidding took Ziva's mind of being so blue. She lightly smacked him upside the back of the head just like Jethro would to keep him in line. His expression at the gesture was priceless. If only she had a camera to catch the look of amusement and resentment on his face.

"Just sit down and eat, Denozzo.", she said, treating him like a guest and a soldier at the same time. They sat and ate in silence, and for the first time in a while, Ziva had the sly trace of a smile on her face. Tony didn't want to admit it, but Ziva was at the peak of her beauty when she smiled, or even had the slightest hint of a smile upon her gorgeous face.

"It's so much nicer to be sitting down to a decent meal, though I am not one to brag about being a fantastic cook.", Tony said, wiggling his eyebrows in a corny manner. She tried not to laugh, but it was difficult not to. He had a natural way of being humerous, and she wasn't sure what caused her to chortle so often when she was around him. Whatever it was, it helped her heart begin to heal.

Later, they watched a rather violent movie together and he put his arm around her without her knowing it. She looked directly into his eyes as if to say,

"What's the meaning of putting your arm around me, you vile dog ?!", yet instead, she welcomed the feeling of having someone comforting her. It felt natural. He noticed she was becoming sleepy, and soon fell into a deep sleep. Tony was a complete gentleman and moved her gently into a more comfortable position on the couch, covered her up and pecked her forehead with a tender kiss.

"Sweet dreams, dear Ziva.", he said, softly and left the house as quietly as he could.

Chapter 5—Newfound Romance

The next day, Ziva was surprised to see that she had been sleeping on the couch.

"Tony must have put me here himself.", she mused, surprised he hadn't taken advantage of her in that state, and she was pleasantly surprised. She leaned forward, her chin resting upon her palm and thought momentarily about what had just transpired. Perhaps Tony wasn't the louse she percieved him as being. Maybe he wasn't so bad or intolerable as she had thought.

She wasn't certain whether she would give him another chance since the episode long ago when she nearly lost herself to the conscept of being in love with him, but perhaps when she had caught wind that her relationship with Denozzo wasn't just lip service, she pondered this even harder in her heart and mind. After all, McGee had written a book on their happy ending so long ago, and she had been inquisitive about it. She read an exherpt on the characters that were based on herself and Tony and secretly longed for a poetic romance like that.

"What's holding me back ?", she mused, finding it hard to open her heart so easily.

She was afraid to be seen as anything but what she was, but she wasn't getting any younger.

And besides, as an assassin, she lived her life on the edge. Romance had to fit into the puzzle somwhere...but where ?

Ziva had recovered from her own version of a shiva, which was the Jewish equivalent of a wake, only longer. In tradition, the shiva was held to make certain the mourners were comfortable with the conscept that the body now belonged to Gd and to the earth to which it would return. In a way, it helped her make her grief more bareable. Except that it was still challening to realize Roy wasn't coming back, but her heart had healed, strangely enough.

Everyone back at NCIS had been overjoyed to see Ziva return. Abby immediately gave her a hug and awkardly she hugged her back.

"Ziva, I missed you !", Abby said, in an upbeat tone.

"I...missed you too, Abby.", Ziva said, with a slow, light pat to her friend's back. She was getting more comfortable with having people in her personal space. In this line of work, she felt like she belonged to an extended family, and everyone loved her dearly. She counted her lucky stars for that blessing.

In came Tony, with a slight swagger to his step and a confident grin to his handsome face.

"A sight for sore eyes.", he said, with a friendly wink. Ziva smiled, yet again.

"Maybe they need ointment, those eyes of yours.", Ziva joked. Tony was surprised she made a joke but found it pretty amusing.

"Not bad, David. We'll have you educated in American colloquialisms yet.", he said, in a warm, welcoming tone.

After another mission with the crew and putting another criminal behind bars, Tony had boldly asked Ziva out on a date. At first, Ziva was reluctant to accept his invitation, but she considered it momentarily and thought to herself,

"No harm, no foul. After all, it _is_ a date. It's not like I haven't been out on a date with Denozzo before." And with that, the two enjoyed a romantic dinner and some classic movies back at Tony's place.

Epilogue

Ziva's relationship with Tony had been renewed that evening once she thanked him for a lovely evening and he dropped her off back at her house.

"It's such a pity I have to leave such a vision of loveliness...", he said, poetically.

"You'll see me again, don't worry.", Ziva added with some sultriness in her tone and a wiggle to her eyebrows.

"I'll be looking forward to that.", Tony said, after receiving a final embrace and peck on the cheek from her.

Her gloved hand slipped quietly from his and he said goodbye while he could smell the faint fragrance of freshly crushed roses mixed with orchids. He sighed ecstatically. There was nothing more intoxicating then her perfume, which he would never forget as it nearly rendered him breathless. He left to return to his red Pontiac Vibe and drove home. Even though he admitted to liking the ladies possibly a bit too much, she would be the only woman that caused his heart to race. Although he had no clue where the love they had would take them, they allowed themselves to be surrounded by it and let nature take its course. After all, if romance was the path the two had been destined to take, they would take it together and go wherever the road led.

The End


End file.
